Why can’t I make lasting changes?

People can make lasting changes in any area of their life and do all the time.   A few do it by shear will power, you know, “Just do it!” attitude. In my experience that approach has the highest failure rate.

How come?

There are two main reasons:

One is our minds develop a kind of “thermostat” for what is normal behavior for us.  This “thermostat” works like the one in your home. If the level something say blood sugar gets to high it starts sending messages to the body to make it send out more insulin. If the sugar drops too low it sends out messages to make you hungry and to the liver for it to send some sugar into the blood stream.  There are “internal thermostats” for a lot of things including what situations we feel comfortable in, what decisions we make, who we choose for partners and friends. Our “thermostats” don’t consult the reasoning part of our brain, just the subconscious.  Have you ever done something and then thought “That didn’t make any sense, why did I do that?” It may have been because of a “thermostat.” Our thermostats can be changed as Elisha Goldstein PH.D. points out in her post, “Why We May Have to Leave the Mind Behind for Real Change.”

Our subconscious "thermostats" work like this one

The second reason relates to why the mind created that “thermostat” in the first place. The reason our minds create these “thermostats” is to maintain important elements within specific ranges. These process include blood sugar, pulse, breathing and aspects of our behavior the subconscious decides are absolutely necessary for survival. In our subconscious these behaviors, that the conscious may want or not; that may be considered healthy or not; are fulfilling a survival need.  Our subconscious is convinced if they change too much death will result. We have to meet the need in another way that satisfies the subconscious before it will allow us to change that behavior. This has been acknowledged since New Testament times. Think about the story of the man who had the demons cast out and didn’t want them to return to an empty clean house with all of their friends.

Okay so what do we do about it?

We can usually get our “thermometer” to adjust by making small lasting changes in the direction we desire. Let’s return to the blood sugar example. A person with type 2 diabetes has typically had high blood sugar for at least 5 years before they are diagnosed. That person’s blood sugar “thermostat” has been reset to recognize the new high sugar level as normal. That “thermostat” will work to keep at sugar levels high by making the person hungry and feel hypoglycemic when the sugar levels get lower.  Many times people newly diagnosed with diabetes have trouble controlling their blood sugar because of this. If they learn to check their glucose when the “feel” like they have low blood sugar and not just trust their body, then they have more success in getting their sugars under control.  After the blood sugar have been back under control for awhile then the thermostat resets itself again to a the new lower level.  Almost all of our other behaviors work the same way.  If we want to change; make small changes get used to them.  Make another small change toward the goal get used to it. This way your “thermometer” has time to reset itself. Keep taking the baby steps and allowing the “thermometer” to reset until you get there.

The second reason for “Just do it!” failure on the surface seems easy to address. Just find the need and fix it.  Ah, but suppose that need is buried deep in some experience that our subconscious doesn’t want us to remember. One thing that’s effective for most people is acknowledging that they have this behavior for a reason. Acknowledging they don’t know why they have it and they don’t need to know “why?”.  Then asking themselves in a loving accepting way “How can I fulfill this need in a pleasant healthy way?” And keep asking and keep asking and keep asking until they get an answer. You can also fill in the form below. You will be sent a email with a link to download a video that will help you get your answers.

What has your experience been making change? Any tips or hints for others? Please leave a comment below.