A Tale of Two Grandmothers

My grandmothers were as different as night and day.

greys and blacks by *L*u*z*A*

Night
One grandmother was usually unhappy and complaining.  It seemed nothing anyone did was ever good enough.  She was angry.  She held grudges.  She felt life cheated her…
She was always wishing for a bigger expensive home or car.  She always blamed someone else because she did not have what she “deserved.”  Everyone else’s grass was always greener…
Every conversation that I remember between her and my grandfather was an argument filled with anger.

Her persistent pattern of thinking was negative filled with anger, blaming others, jealousy and envy.  It seemed like her emotions were shades of gray and black.  She seemed to have lost her ability to enjoy life.

In my mind the biggest danger of negative thinking is its toxicity.  It poisons even the good times.

If my one grandmother was role model for being unhappy then my other grandmother was a role model for being content…

full spectrum by JOE MARINARO

Day
My other grandmother was almost always cheerful.  She was usually able to let bygones be bygones.  Unless, you lied or cheated her.  Then she usually just tried to avoid having anything to do with you.  Like the time the local shop owner took too many sugar coupons during the war…
She claimed she learned that worry was useless waste of energy; the time my grandfather broke his arm and still had to drive a team of horses home.  It didn’t get him home quicker.  It didn’t mend his arm…
She was grateful for what she had.  Strangely the grass was just as green or greener on her side of the fence.
She held anyone over 18, responsible for their personality and actions.  If something needed changing, they were capable and responsible for getting it done.
She practiced positive thinking.  Not the new kind where you can’t have a negative thought but a realistic kind.  She was fully human with the full spectrum of emotions.  She knew how to stand up for herself…
It showed.  She seemed at peace and her life was good.  She was not materially successful.  She did not have a fancy house or fast car.   She just enjoyed living.

In my mind this is the biggest benefits of a positive thinking habit.  It’s not the material wealth it can attract.

You can learn more about getting rid of your negative thinking habit and enjoying life again read “Why Bother to Change Your Thinking?”

A Post on Relapse

Psychology Today has a post “Relapse.” The post points out that changing any habit especially unwanted ones, has frequent relapses.  Relapses are so common the should be anticipated and planned for. The post also offers some tips on handling the relapses.

Although, Dr.  Timothy A. Pychyl points out how frequent and easy relapses are.

Dr.  Timothy A. Pychyl makes the excellent suggestion when you relapse to forgive, forget and start again.  He does not make the analogy but I will.  Ever watch a child learn to walk?  Walking is a new habit right?  Does the child give up after 2-3 falls?  What about after 20?  What about after…?  You get the idea.  Children don’t give up on learning to walk.

Relapses are like falls when learning to walk. Expect them.

The post also quotes a suggestion by Kathleen McGowan.  Celebrate your start overs not your anniversaries.  Doesn’t think make a lot more sense?  You claim the victory when you get up again.  You win when say “That this is my behavior now and this is who I am.  You walk away if you will from the old behavior and self.”  That’s the time to celebrate.

He does not discuss possible reasons for relapses.  Probably because the reasons are still being debated.

The two reasons that make the most sense are:

• When changing any habit you have to re-establish your comfort zone.
• The behavior your trying to change is fulfilling a need and you haven’t given you subconscious a better solution.

So what can be about those reasons?   The first thing is to read “Why can’t I change?”

Would you please do me a favor,  leave a comment below?

Thank-you in advance.

Note this blog has no relationship to Psychology Today.  I believe Psychology Today is trademarked.  I’m using it to reference the post on their website only.